Does Your Hero Speak Your Heroine's Love Language?

Does Your Hero Speak Your Heroine's Love Language?
By
Becci Clayton

Did you ever have one of those times when you've worked your tail off getting the setting right, creating the perfect set up and focused your character's goals and motivations so well that it would make Hemingway weep? Yet, when your heroine says something to your hero and he doesn't respond the way your heroine thinks he should, maybe it's because your characters speak different "love languages".

According Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, humans speak five different languages of love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. These are the basic languages that humans need or "speak" to feel and return love.

For example, what if your heroine speaks "acts of service" but your hero speaks "quality time"? In other words, she loves to do things like cook dinner for someone who has been ill while he needs complete and undivided attention for a few moments everyday. If she's busy in the kitchen preparing food for the neighbor, he may feel the neighbor is more important. So, when he voices his frustration at her lack of attention, she doesn't understand how he can be so self-centered when she is working hard to do something nice. He speaks in quality time. She speaks in acts of service. Neither are happy because they can't communicate their love in the other's language. This device can be a great foreshadowing technique or trigger for the approaching conflict between your characters.

So, how do you solve this dilemma? Teach your characters to speak each other's love language.

Language number one: Words of Affirmation. A quote by Mark Twain best sums up this language, "I can live for two months on a good compliment." These are words that encourage, build up and inspire. This language is not just the spoken word. It can be as simple as a short note tucked into a personal calendar that says, "You have a great knack for decorating."

Language number two: Quality Time. This is undivided attention. This could be the hero turning off the TV and simply sitting on the couch with the heroine or the heroine not attending to the servants and paying complete attention to the hero.

Language number three: Receiving Gifts. This language has nothing to do with the value, frequency or size of gifts. It's about the act of taking time to search for the right gift, the thought behind the gift and the effort in giving the gift. This also tends to be the language of children through early childhood. Remember the bundle of dandelions your child gathered coming home from school? They weren't thinking about spreading weeds or how grumpy your retired neighbor would be, they were gifts of love, plain and simple. Gifts with a sentimental meaning such as a grandmother's brooch, or a father's favorite book, speaks loudest to a gift receiver.

Language number four: Acts of Service. Do you know someone who prefers to fix dinner for you rather than dining out? Do they close cabinets when they're open or pick up something someone else has dropped? This person speaks in acts of service. It's doing nice things for others rather than for themselves that makes them feel worthy and fulfilled.

Language number five: Physical Touch. This is the most frequently used love language in romance and means just what it says: physical touch. This includes everything from a simple touch on the back of a hand to the steamiest love scene. To a person who speaks this language, a simple touch from the hero can speak volumes to your heroine and change the entire outlook for her about their relationship. Although the majority of romances use the language of physical touch, believe it or not, not all men's primary love language is physical touch.

As you're creating those wonderful characters and scenes, listen carefully to the love language of your character. They will repeat their actions time and again. It is your character's primary love language that motivates his or her actions toward not only the ones he or she loves but to the world around them. Five very simple and universal languages of love-just think of the possibilities!

Many thanks to Dr. Chapman. Adapted from his book, The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate, Northfield Publishing, Chicago.

Becci Clayton is romance editor for DynamicPatterns.com and contributing editor for romance writing genre at Suite101. She writes romance --historicals and time travels and also reviews ebooks for eBookConnections.com.